10 reasons why being a hipster is no longer cool
We are going to call it, Hipster is DEAD. We have had enough of the geek/skinny jeans look and it turns out we are not the only ones. In research we recently carried out about fashion style people are sick of, 90% of people surveyed said that hipster was the most annoying of the bunch.
It got us thinking, why is being a hipster no longer cool?
1. Your first choice go-to shopping outlet is at Grandma’s house
Let’s face it, chances are that grandma looks hotter in her clothes than you ever could. Hey dude! Granny doesn’t want to turn up to the Derby and Joan club and bump into her grandchild wearing the same outfit. That raspberry beret may have looked great on Citizen Smith, but believe me, no-one wants to be sipping coffee in Starbucks with the smell of mothballs in the air.
2. Natural is good, but don’t be a freak about it
I love a nice cup of organic tea or coffee with the best of them, but if I have to wait in the queue behind you and listen to you interrogate the server for 10 minutes about which plantation the coffee came from, (as your body cannot consume anything that hasn’t been hand-pollinated by Brazilian virgins), I swear I will severely mess up your hair (oh sorry, it already is).
hipster on a mac!
3. Bed head? Less said
Your latest bed head look is more ‘Shaggy-don’t’ than ‘Shaggy-Do’.
Guys, when you look like you can’t be arsed to brush your hair when you get out of bed, then by my reckoning, chances are that you’re not likely to put too much effort into anything else in the bedroom; definitely not cool.
4. Uber-skinny is definitely not hot
Seriously, I worry about guys with slimmer legs and nicer calves than me (jealous? Me? No way!). When your skinny jeans still give you enough room to roll a couple organic plums down the inside leg without stopping, it makes me want to feed you, not date you guys! One gust of wind and you’ll be blowing down the street like tumbleweed. But sure, (and it’s the only big butt you have to show), you may be a great guy, but for pity’s sake, give me something to get hold of.
Group of hipsters
5. Chunky framed glasses, and you don’t even need them!
I spent years in junior school heading off the ‘four eyes’ jokes, and now you’re wearing them to look cool, and you don’t even need prescription glasses? Those oversized frames remind me of TVs Timmy Mallet of ‘Wackaday’ fame in the 1980s. Ok, they were pretty cool at the time, and large glasses frames do suit some people’s faces, which is great for them; but if you are having them fitted with plain glass just to look cool, then boy they saw you coming!
6. More money than sense
So of course, buying from the charity and vintage clothing shops is great, you’re getting some nifty clothes for a thrifty price, and helping raise money for a good cause too. Now that all the mainstream fashion houses are churning out vintage, pre-worn, pre-loved looks, you’re in danger of falling into the ultimate consumer trap. You used to be cool because you were different, but now everybody else can buy your complete look on the high street, that must suck big time. It’s a real possibility that it’s costing you more to keep up that ‘I don’t care ‘cos I’m cool’ look, and for what? Just so you can blend in with the masses, well that is just so not cool and you know it. (I bet you still cut out the new designer labels though don’t you?).
7. You spend more time in the library reading room than the Librarian
Don’t get me wrong, I like intelligent people, I really do, but hanging out in the local library hoping to meet ‘chicks’ in the poetry and politics sections is just plain barmy. Go for a walk by the river, or hang around in the local ‘up-cycling’ centre, you’ll probably have more luck. Instead of waxing lyrical to get the girl, go hit the beach and wax up a surfboard instead (that’s if you’re willing to get your hair wet). No offence guys, but if I hear the words ‘dude/dudette’ one more time and I’m not actually surfing in California amongst the sun-tanned, water babies I most definitely am going to lose my cool big time!
Hipster on an old camera
8. Festival Fiascos, are you even listening?
I don’t get it; it’s not the 60s anymore, so what’s with the flowers in the hair and rolling around in mud and paint wearing wellies made from recycled tyres? Saving the environment is definitely cool, but why spend a fortune on petrol getting to the venue, and buying a tent that you know you are not going to take home with you (leaving litter is not cool), and a small fortune on tickets to listen to the coolest bands, when you probably won’t remember much in the morning anyway? Ok, I realise that most of you may not actually be using organic substances or alcohol yourself (my body is a temple, I know, I know), but some of you guys do a seriously good job of looking like you’ve overdone it. Believe me looking like a ‘hot mess’ is most definitely not the new cool.
9. Indie mainstream – your music is my music (shocker!)
I actually love all kinds of music, and Indie is great, but why is it that as soon as a cool new sound comes out from a great Indie band, the Hipsters claim that musicians have given in to the consumer culture and ‘sold out’. Music is for everyone guys. Listen, how come you’re happy to share/hijack the fashion that your parents/grandparents wore and claim them as your own, but Indie music is just for Hipsters? While you’re at it, why not go pimp up granny’s Zimmer Frame, (you can have that idea gratis); it’s a pretty safe bet that the masses won’t be pinching that one from the Hipsters anytime soon (I hope!).
10. If everyone else is doing it too, then it’s far too hot to be cool
So, everywhere you go, from London to New York, you’ll notice the Hipster style on practically every street corner, coffee bar, and university campus. The World is full of bike peddling, skinny jean wearing, eco-warrior, charity shop surfing, macchiato swilling bright young things; a whole pool of cool. Nothing wrong with that, but that’s just it isn’t it? If everyone else is doing it, it’s no longer cool for the Hipster. Sorry guys, Hipster cool has had its day, so move on, go hang out in the freezer aisle at Aldi, I swear it’s the only way you can be 100% guaranteed to be cool.